Looking back on childhood : women’s experience of triangulation in the context of domestic violence

Abstract

This article focuses on women’s recollections of being triangulated in their parents’ relationship within the context of domestic violence. Fifteen women were interviewed as part of a larger grounded theory study that looked into the women’s understanding of their childhood experiences of domestic violence and their impact on their individual development and their intimate relationships. The women spoke about how difficult it was for them not to take sides in their parents’ conflicts. Some actively chose to put themselves in the middle of the conflict. Some were recruited by their parents into the parental violence. Others witnessed a sibling get triangulated. Getting involved sometimes helped to limit the abusive parent’s violent behaviour. At other times, it made the fighting worse. The participants also spoke about some of the complex feelings that they had to deal with, as part and parcel of being triangulated. As the women grew up, triangulation in their family of origin’s dynamics continued to be a persistent and challenging process, especially if the parental conflict was ongoing or unresolved. The women’s experiences strongly suggest that this process needs to be paid attention to in clinical practice both when working with families where there is domestic violence and also when working with childhood survivors of domestic violence.