Complexities in the mother-adult daughter relationship

Abstract

The aim of this study was to gain a deeper understanding of how adult daughters live and give meaning to their relationship with their mother, how the relationship has changed over time and the ways in which the relationship has shaped their life negatively or positively. The study adopts a narrative inquiry methodological approach with a “getting lost” (Lather, 2007) stance. Data were gathered through in-depth interviews with three adult women. The following seven themes were discussed: (1) Relationships which included three subthemes: (a) Preferential treatment: “I am not loved by my mother as my sister is loved”; (b) “Mothering my mother and anger at mother’s lack of protection”; and (c) Mother’s lack of empathy due to excessive intrusion. “Mother was always intrusive and still is: I cannot stand it”; (2) Leaving Home: A significant transition in the mother-adult daughter relationship; (3) The Present Moment; (4) The Future Relationship: Distance, fear and a glimmer of connection? (5) Good Memories with Mother; (6) Paula, Marie and Claire as Mothers: Determined not to repeat the same mistake; (7) Resilience in the Midst of Adversity. The emergent themes illustrated the complexities entwined in this emotionally binding relationship, and the implications for training, practice and supervision. This study also incorporated a theme which focused on a reflexive dialogue, between the researcher and the participants’ narrative. The reflexive dialogue discussed the impact of the author’s embedded positon on the data and the reframing of the researcher’s positon which paved the way for new insights, knowledge and perspectives to emerge.